Coming to Peace with Conflicting Sides of Yourself

Have you ever felt two sides of yourself are pulling you in opposite directions? One side says
one thing, and the other side says another. This is not an easy place to be—suspended between
two poles, as if dangling in the air—not knowing which way to go, which side to listen to. There
is a stalemate within yourself. You feel like you have lost your sense of grounding.
How can you find your grounding then? Know that it is part of the human condition to
experience inner tension throughout life—to be pulled as if a string between two or more
different beliefs, between two or more different values, between two or more potential pathways
in life. Growth never arises from a constant sense of clarity throughout life. Such illusion of
clarity may temporarily relieve us with a continual sense of internal consistency or continual
sense of external certainty, but while such clarity may make life seem superficially smooth—it is
a façade that hides away honesty and authenticity.
An honest mind is not one that always thinks in a singular way, and an authentic heart is not one
that always feels in a confident manner—this is simply blind faith. An honest mind will
experience confusion, because it is open to the world in all its messiness. An authentic heart will
experience inner tension, because it delicately tunes into the subtle contradictions within us that
we naturally feel as part of being human, when presented with the challenges of life.
Contradictions within the heart and confusion within the mind are the norm, not the exception.
They make us human—there are no meaningful stories without such tension residing within the
hearts and minds of its characters, nor is there a meaningful life without such tension residing
within the Self. A person who is aware of them and makes space for them within is one who is
authentic and honest about themselves.
It is not when we are able to overcome all differences between the different parts of ourselves
that help us find our peace—it would not only be impossible, but it would be an unworthwhile
feat. Having one way to think and feel may seem righteous or comforting, but this is the same
delusional feat of one-party government systems. They create a false sense of security through a
false sense of unity, while in reality oppressing differences that think and feel differently.
What if having different parts of ourselves that believe in different things is useful, rather than
pathological? When a government allows and makes space for different views between people
who think and feel differently from one another, it is a versatile one that is enriched from
different perspectives, rather than dampened by them. This is a healthy governmental system.
It is when we become conscious of the different parts within us, allowing and making space for
them, that helps us to find a much stronger sense of inner peace. This peace comes when we
recognize inner differences as a healthy natural part of the human condition. And it is a truer
sense of peace that is both honest and authentic, because it does not force a delusional ideal of
“complete peace” of singular thought or feeling that only hides inner differences.